Funny but True Stories from Painters and Decorators

There was an apprentice named Dave who was working up a scaffold on the outside of a large private house. It was winter and a very cold day. His boss is also working on the same scaffold just above Dave, glossing, and he's got a full tin of paint next to him with the lid off. Dave's mobile phone rings. Now Dave is quite a tall chappy and thinks his new mobile phone is the best there is, so he quickly takes the phone from his pocket, his hands are stiff with cold and he drops the phone. It falls 20 feet, he jumps up with disbelief, hits his head on the scaffold boards above and, yes you've got it, Dave spends the rest of the day trying to clean white gloss from his hair, face and other parts of his body whilst grieving over his broken mobile phone.

There was an apprentice named Jock who was working in the home of one of his firms directors. Jock's doing the job on his own and each morning the director goes to work leaving Jock and the directors beautiful wife alone in the house. Each morning soon after the director had gone Jock could hear a faint buzzing sound coming from the main bedroom and what appeared to be the directors wife moaning and groaning. Later the wife would shower and dress and leave to go shopping. Eventually after two or three days of this Jock's curiosity got the better of him and he went upstairs to investigate. He walked slowly and quietly even though he was the only one in the house. He arrived at the bedroom but could see nothing that would fit what he had in his mind. The bed was big and as he walked round the side there on the floor was an electric rowing machine. Jock put two and two together and instantly his mind was cleared of all smut and he could see his directors wife in a different light.

There was an apprentice named Gordon who was working in a house in Chester. He was given instructions to emulsion the walls in one of the bedrooms. So, with roller, pole and roller tray full to the top he heads off to the said bedroom. The bedroom just happens to be the only room in the home to have a fitted carpet. As Gordon pushers the door of the bedroom open with one elbow he is sent off balance and cannot stop the entire contents of the roller tray from emptying onto the carpet. Gordon panics and spends the next three and a half hours feverishly removing every last drip of emulsion paint from the carpet. Just as he's finishing the lady of the house returns. Gordon attempts to explain the soaking wet carpet when she informs him that the carpet is to be thrown out anyway.

There was a trainee named John who was working with a team decorating the top walkway of a newly built wooden structure. The floor on top of the structure had to be painted, the work was started from the far end away from the staircase. The floor was brushed to the top of the staircase and the debris left. John was told to brush the rubbish off the stairs. After a few minutes he was seen half way up after brushing from the bottom upwards, therefore leaving all the rubbish on the stairs, but one step down.